i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
