i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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