belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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