her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
