I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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