these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
