there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
