The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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