We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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