they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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