I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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