just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
