He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
