he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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