Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
