yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
