Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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