an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
