I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
