Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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