I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
