Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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