I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
