My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
