I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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