I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
