when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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