I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
