Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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