i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
