Do you still have your period?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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