dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
