ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
