I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
