dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
