You're so nebulous sometimes
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
