I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
