Screwed.edu
...so i touched it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
