I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
