He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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