I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
