Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
