there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
