Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
