Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
