Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
