Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
