So drunk, too bad you don't want this
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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