and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
