So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
