I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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