Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
