I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
