his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
