stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
