there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
