I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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