The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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