I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
